Positivity Monday- You’re Worth It!

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My husband’s out of town for a week. The first of many such trips. It’s a lot easier with my mom living with us than it used to be but still, I’m going to need this reminder this week. I can do anything. And so can you! What would you do if you could do anything in the world?

Positivity Monday- Confidence

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In case you can’t read the font, this says “Inhale confidence, exhale doubt.” And I think this is such a powerful message. Surround yourself with people that help you find confidence. They’re like a breath of fresh air. I’d be nowhere without my supportive family and friends! I’d still be in a prison of my own making breathing the dank, stale air of self-doubt.

Positivity Monday- You’re Killing It!

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I’m privileged to be interviewed on DarcyandLizzy.com this week. Strangely, too many are under the assumption that I’m Super Woman. Not hardly! But it’s been amazing to consider how I started as a reader and am now releasing my fourteenth original work and celebrate my three year published author anniversary next week. I don’t feel like Super Woman. I don’t feel like I’ve got life together. However, I am proud of where I came from. Three years ago when I published my first book, I never would have thought I’d have gone through it so many more times. I still remember posting my first story on a forum, and I couldn’t believe I plucked the courage to do that!

I had zero confidence. To me, I was a failure. At everything. I had a college degree–that took an extra year to complete because I dropped out a few times–with an unimpressive GPA and a lot of debt. I gave up on my master’s degree and had no idea what to do with my life. We had declared bankruptcy, foreclosed on our house, and just had our second (and unexpected) child. What idiot doesn’t know how to prevent pregnancy? It didn’t matter that I had been infertile for years. People just saw someone who couldn’t afford another child mooching off the system with WIC. I was living in my father in law’s basement. In fact, my bed was in the furnace room! I typed most of my stories sitting on my bed, crouched over the laptop, unable to move without waking a child in either direction. I was convinced I was the worst mother and wife on the planet.

I’ve come a long way. A very, very, very long way. I don’t mean the fact that now we live in a lovely home and can pay our bills. I mean that I have confidence in me. Throw what you will at me, and I think I can overcome it. I don’t think I’m Super Woman or even the average woman. However, I no longer think I’m ruining everything I touch. Did it come with my first book? No. Did

Did it come with my first book? No. Did it come with the first story I posted? No. I still have insecurities. I still fear rejection and failure. It came, little by little and piece by piece. Every day is a new fight to enjoy the day and focus on the good. And today, I indulge myself just a moment and remember where I came from and pat myself on my back. I’ve done well!

What are some things you’re proud of?

Positivity Monday- Worthy of love

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This may be one of my favorite quotes ever. Believing that I am worthy of love no matter my flaws has been my most freeing state of mind. And it is a state of mind. I’ve got to remind myself of it, sometimes daily, but it is crucial to my mental health. This includes allowing me to love myself.

Positivity Monday- Hustle

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In case you didn’t notice, I went from being a pretty prolific writer to…well, not. I’ve had reasons and excuses. Some valid, most not. In the end, it was mostly a case of believing I’d do it later or not staying focused on a plot. In March, I committed to getting Mr. Darcy’s Bluestocking Bride out by June.

That didn’t happen. So then I said I’d finish the draft by June.

That also didn’t happen. Because I just thought I’d get “lucky” and randomly have time to do it and the cosmos would align, and the words would come together.

Last week, I snapped. I was GETTING IT DONE, DARN IT!

I shut my bedroom door and locked it. My mom and husband could deal with the kids. I spent a whole week writing/researching/editing/writing, writing, writing.

I was down to the last three chapters, and while I wanted to take a break so very desperately, I doubled down again. I would finish the story by Saturday, June 17.

On Thursday, I couldn’t sleep because I was so anxious to get it done. I wrote from 2:30 to 5:30 am in addition to all the writing during the day. On Friday, I stayed up and wrote until 4 am. I closed the day out at having written 17,236 words in 26 hours.

I HUSTLED. And a book baby will be born at the beginning of July.

Luck didn’t do it. Hustling did. Got a goal? Hustle for it!

Now, I’m just exhausted and don’t know what do with not obsessing over this story, lol!

Positivity Monday- Mistakes

I like real, don’t you? I’m a human. I have good days and bad days. I am susceptible to moods and stress. Sometimes I treat the ones I love poorly or get too focused on work or too focused on play. I think you never stop learning. That’s the key to finding happiness in life.

As I continue with writing, selling makeup, and health coaching, I make this promise: I’m not perfect and I’ll never fake it.

 

 

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Positivity Monday- Respect Yourself

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Recently, as I was doing a live makeup tutorial on my Facebook wall, a man began commenting. He had said he believed the video was something that might pertain to him and it wasn’t. He was annoyed and I said that I would gladly talk about Saturday plans, as that was part of the title of my video but no one had commented back after I talked about mine. I didn’t really care that others hadn’t commented. Some of my videos are at a great time to chat and some aren’t. I was rushing and trying to get out the door myself. Then, the man suggested I talk about Pride and Prejudice. I assume he added me as a friend because he enjoyed my writing. I explained a few things about my upcoming release and then he wrote, “the women in Pride and Prejudice are materialistic and care more about makeup than they do the protagonist.”

I LOST IT.

As I confronted him, he (possibly) attempted backtracking with a “not really, sorry” reply. At first, I also apologized but a moment later I put together his previous comment about the video not being what he liked. THEN LEAVE. Trying to shame me into talking about whatever he wanted is a misogynists’ tactic. So, I laid into him some more and concluded it with I could be a reader, a writer, and be intelligent and also like makeup because I do it for me. Then I finished my tutorial and concluded the video.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been angrier in my life. I have had those sorts of remarks from other women, too. They seem to believe that if they enjoy reading they shouldn’t be interested in makeup. They insinuate that only the vain and shallow wear any or would bother to sell it and spend time applying it more than on rare occasions. I’ve never been angry at the that assumption because I know it also stems from fear. We don’t want to be seen as less for our interests.

Think about high school. Did you like the pretty, perfect girl? The one who always looked put together? I bet she had a lot of boyfriends too. Most girls either emulated the pretty one or were jealous of her. If you were like me, you eventually matured and saw your value in other things. You may have even told yourself, “Well, I’m not as pretty as her but I’m smarter.” You believed you had spent your time on more important things.

And slowly, with each year, you told yourself more and more that you could only be one or the other. The ideas became mutually exclusive. In the Romance genre, there is quite a trope of the overlooked bluestocking or librarian. The smart girl with glasses and her hair pulled back too tight. She shuns most people and doesn’t fit in. When she does speak she’s awkward and sarcastic. Unexpectedly, the hero sees her beauty underneath and, if the writer is worth her salt, eventually the heroine does as well. Along the way, either two things happen: either she utterly transforms herself to get the guy/because of the guy or the rest of the world never sees her beauty. This either empowers the heroine into claiming her uniqueness or her feelings of gratitude for him viewing her as beautiful when no one else does is the basis of her love for him.

The problem is, neither is about the heroine seeing her own beauty before a man enters the picture. Real confidence is being able to look in the mirror after you’ve had no sleep and knowing that you’re still beautiful inside and out. But if you want to take 15 minutes to slap on some foundation, concealer, and mascara, that’s great too! Some people are afraid to wear makeup–I was one of them! I was afraid that if I wore anything the world would think I was saying “I don’t like how I look.” That’s not what I’m saying and I’m no longer afraid of what the world thinks.

However, for the record, I bet you could apply makeup while reading a book (or maybe listening). I bet you could be a CEO and wear cosmetics. I bet you could be President or Prime Minister and wear it. And I think you can be an author and wear makeup too.

And I think you can be an author and wear makeup too.