Truthful Tuesday- Naps

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I don’t like naps.

Say whaaaaaa??????

I know, I know. It always sounds like a great idea but then I wake up grumpier than I was before. My brain is in a fog and I can’t shake it off.

On the other hand, I really, really, really want my kids to nap. Teddy hasn’t napped since he was two. He’s now six. So, that dream is never happening again. Annie hasn’t napped at home in almost a year, but she did occasionally nap at her last daycare. Her current morning program doesn’t include nap time. I try to enforce quiet time but she often wants me to lay down with her. Great, kid. As if you’re not glued to my side enough now I can’t get work done during the one time I thought for sure that I could. However, if I do lie down with her, I often fall asleep. And she still does not! And then I’m grumpy and she’s cranky from overtiredness and then we’re in even deeper waters than we would have been if I hadn’t tried to make her rest. It’s a vicious cycle!

So, what about you? Do you enjoy naps?

Truthful Tuesday- Alone time

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I’m an ambivert. I can be quite social and outgoing, especially via the internet but the truth is, I need quiet downtime. I need me time. All by myself. Honestly, it’s been the hardest thing about being a mother. Once my son started school, and then my daughter began preschool, I felt so much more relaxed. Since January, Teddy has been leaving school at noon. Now that he has an IEP, we’re hoping he can go the full day at the new school. He won’t be starting for over a week, but I’m very much looking forward to it. Previously, I only had about 2.5 hours after dropping both kids off at school before I had to pick Teddy up again. And while he mostly played by himself in the afternoon, he did need me sometimes, and I just had to be aware of him, and then battle with him to leave in time to pick Annie up. Not that I was spending that time on myself. I wasn’t.

First, I began intensive chiropractic care in January. For several weeks I had appointments three times a week. Gradually, I was able to go longer between appointments. And I’ve seen huge improvements from it. There were other appointments too along the way and my freak illness. Otherwise, I spent my time trying to work. I felt like I was constantly go, go, go. Once the kids were asleep for the night, I would try to work some more or spend time on the house or with my husband. Not to mention all the weeks he was out of town.

I’m looking forward to having a few minutes of quiet to myself each day again. I’ll have to build it into my schedule because I can be such a work-aholic but I’m really excited about me time again. I need it to organize my thoughts, and I think it really affects my productivity in a positive way.

Do you need alone time? If you do, how do you spend the time and how do you create the time to have it?

Truthful Tuesday- Judgey McJudgey

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I heard “Monday Confessions” on the radio yesterday. I also used to be on a forum that had “flame free Friday confessions.” My confession: I totally judge confessions!

I’m not saying I judge that they’re a bad or good person based on the confessions, but I can’t help but have some kind of visceral reaction whether I agree or disagree with their actions. Is that judging? Part of me wants to say no. But, then I looked up the definition.

  1. to form an estimate or evaluation of trying to judge the amount of time required; especially :  to form a negative opinion about shouldn’t judge him because of his accent

  2. 6:  to hold as an opinion :  guess, think I judge she knew what she was doing

So…yeah, I do judge. Next, is it bad to be so judgey?

I spent years of my life saying no. Especially since I usually keep my opinions to myself there’s no harm. But there is harm. Making judgments about things I don’t know details on, judging a person at a glance or from a few interactions, harm me. It highlights my insecurities.

I am not athletic. I lack hand-eye coordination and am horrifically ungraceful. I am awful at sports. I enjoy watching sometimes and used to play volleyball with my church. I went for fellowship more than for the joy of hitting the ball (which often landed on my face). However, I don’t feel insecure about my skills because it’s not something I place value on taking the time to learn. Would I feel embarrassed if I played next to a pro? Maybe, although I’d likely shrug my shoulders and declare, of course, they’re better than me. I wouldn’t feel insecure, though.

On the other hand, I do feel insecure about writing at times. And you betcha, I do find myself passing judgments on writers. This extends to plenty of other things. The case in point on listening to the Monday morning confessions included a confession from a special education teacher and a mom. My son is autistic and in special ed, and it’s so tempting to think at times I could do it better, or they’re not doing enough. I want to believe that because it makes me feel better about myself. It’s destructive. It doesn’t help them with their job or help my son. The same with the mother’s confession. I feel insecure about my mothering probably twenty times a day.

So my confession: I will continue to try not to be a Judgey McJudgey. I have improved from years ago and will continue to do so. In the meantime, I humbly ask no one put on their judgey pants when looking at my hot mess, lol.

Are you ever judgmental? If not, do you have another confession?

Truthful Tuesday- I hit snooze

finger on her lips. silence gestureI don’t know when this started. I used to wake up before the alarm. But now I hit snooze again, again,  and again. It’s a real problem when I’ve got to get the kids together and out the door on my own! Is anyone else a snoozer? Wait, don’t tell me yet. Just give me five more minutes to “rest my eyes”!

Truthful Tuesday- House Hunting

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As I stated in yesterday’s blog post, I was out of town house hunting all last week. We found one that I think will be absolutely perfect for us but the truth is, I think I’m a bit addicted now!

I grew up poor and in low-income housing. Sometimes, we would tour manufactured housing (which many of our friends from church bought) and they would feel so lofty and grand. We would dream about “someday” when we could afford a $70,000 pre-fab house. Imagining a stand alone house without neighbors connected and leasing instead of renting felt like we would have had it made. After our bankruptcy (which involved foreclosing on a condo- so still not an unattached house), I’ve again felt that way. We’re still renting but due to my husband’s job and my writing we’re able to afford a very nice home with a lot of space and one that we will be excessively happy in for as long as we live in the area. However, I still think of “one day” when we can buy or build our own house.

In the meantime, you might find me at local open houses just looking around and dreaming of “someday.”

Truthful Tuesday- Moving

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If you read yesterday’s post, then you know I’m moving to North Carolina sometime soon. We don’t have an exact date yet. It’s about 4 hours from where I currently live. This time,  my mother and youngest brother have decided to move as well. This is the fifth move in less than three years for us. In my twelve years of marriage, we have moved many, many times. And I always get sympathy when I talk about it. Don’t get me wrong, I hate packing and unpacking. The stress of finding a new place, sorting out schools and getting doctor recommendations is stressful. But the truth is, I really like parts of it. I like changing houses and getting to decorate again. I like changing cities and meeting new people, making new friends, and learning about a new setting and “culture.” I will admit I wasn’t always happy with our move in West Virginia but I also was trying to function while battling clinical depression, so I wasn’t my usual cheerful self that was outgoing and making friends. That’s a mistake I won’t make this time! I also was really tunnel-visioned with work. This time, I intend on having plans that make me get out of the house and goals to talk to a certain number of people every week, etc. It does make me a bit uncomfortable because I have introvert tendencies too — I need some peace and quiet to recharge — but the truth is, I also like to be pushed outside my comfort zone. It’s how I became an author!

Truthful Tuesday- Kids

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If you follow me on Social Media, especially Facebook, then you’ll know that my husband has been traveling a lot for work lately. I’m so totally over it. It’s good for him professionally, and basically, just something we have to deal with right now until his next store is ready (we’re in a contract so we would have to pay back the company if he quit) so I’m trying to deal with it. But the solo parenting is driving me nuts.

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The truth is I love my kids, but I don’t always like them.

I don’t like the way they behave better for pretty much anyone else.

I don’t like that I have to answer every single question and split up fights.

I don’t like that I have to be the one to enforce all the rules and dole out punishment.

I don’t like how much I resort to bribery for good behavior.

I don’t like that I have to do all the dishes, laundry, cleaning, packing lunches & backpacks, dressing, re-dressing, wiping butts, scrubbing hands, making meals, remaking meals.

I don’t like how at this moment neither one of them are staying in their bed.

I don’t even really like how my daughter climbs in my bed almost every night and snuggles so close to me I can’t move and am in danger of falling off the bed. Oh, and she makes me sweat.

Despite all this, one smile, hug, or kiss from them reminds me of all the reasons I love them. Even when they’re doing nothing “right,” I love them because they’re mine and they love me and forgive me of all my mistakes too, and that’s true love.